Category: The mind

Potential today is not our potential in a year. Or 5. To be aware of what a child is capable of today is important for parents, teachers and coaches. Potential, what happens when everything works correctly. Study for a test, handle the pressure and apply what you have learned. Results? Your potential.

An important lesson for us to teach our kids is where they are at and what is possible for them today and a little bit about tomorrow. Sure we will teach them to dream, but here, in this post, it is about today. Thinking about unrealistic potential is unfair and dangerous. The sports parent who has grand ideas of going to the meet today and seeing her daughter score 38.00 when her daughter has never scored over 30 is unrealistic. Yet we see it often. Today a child is capable of going from A to D but M or N? Not realistic.

It will help our kids to learn what is possible today. Certainly to work hard toward gaining M and N down the road but E, F and G are necessary before those other goals. This is why most competitions shouldn’t be about comparisons. EVERY child can come close to their potential today and not win awards. There are many other factors out there. Improvement and working to potential is what it should all be about. “Suzy, I am so proud of you for winning 3 medals and a ribbon.” “Suzy, I am so proud of you for improving each event.” Is there a difference? Is there a message in each statement? The message you want to convey to your daughter, student, athlete?

Sure the sky is the limit for these kids. THEIR SKY, not the sky of their friend. Today a 7 year old excels by doing a 4′ broad jump, in 6 years it will be her new potential distance of 6′. Live in today. The kids should be prepared for a competition with what is her potential today not unreal dreams that are out of her reach, for today.

Is this a style of teaching and parenting? Maybe. Bottom line for me as a parent, teacher and coach? Being real with the kids so that they grow with a realistic view of their world today, tomorrow and in the future. (Share if others will benefit.) Tom Burgdorf Gymnet Sports on Facebook.

Sports are not the only thing in the life of a child. Other things can get in the way of sports practices.

However, with missed practices comes less preparation for the competition. It would be unfair for a parent or athlete to get upset at an unsuccessful competition if the athlete missed time prior to the meet. The coaches are primed to put your athlete out there in the best possible position to be successful. 2 months preparation, then 2 out of 3 missed practices the week before the competition can negate a lot of the preparation. That is just a simple fact.

There is also the “team” aspect. A gymnast or a cheerleader may be heavily counted on by her teammates. Yes, gymnastics is an individual sport but we do add up the gymnastics score for a team score in the team competition. Missed practices could hurt a gymnastics team.

Cheerleading? How on earth can a cheer coach get a “squad” ready when some are missing practices? Lots of pressure to get a “prepared” group of young cheerleaders out on the floor ready to work together in a competition.

I could go on and on but the bottom line is that we need to work together for the benefit of the kids. We need the parents working hard to get their kids to most if not all of the practices, especially right before a competition. We also need to have the coaches understand that there is life outside of the gym for these kids. (P.S. For the coaches, please do not take it out on the athlete when they miss practice. Discuss the situation with the parent.)

We all just need to be reasonable here, for the sake of these wonderful young athletes. Tom Burgdorf and Gymnet Sports on Facebook

Most athletes can be in the top ten, 11th – 20th or last/left behind. The position of an athlete is up to them for the most part. To stay motivated, to aspire to improve, the athlete needs to visit an uncomfortable place for them once in awhile. The athlete who is only allowed to believe that “everyone wins” will become complacent. What a terrible word for a young person, complacent. Accepting where you are without an effort to improve. Not where we want our young people to feel comfortable.

In real life, everyone doesn’t win. In real life “just showing up” doesn’t usually get you what most people want. To shelter these young athletes and students from the real world is not helping them grow and mature and have a true picture of the journey they will be on. Real life is a challenge where the hard workers do better. Real life is where the “prepared” young people are not surprised by situations they have never experienced. Coming in last is a very educational experience. It is a wakeup call. “Like it here? No you don’t? Then do something about it.”

The wakeup call doesn’t have to be a last place finish. It could be a “B” for an “A” student. It could be a missed dive for an accomplished diver. It could be allowing 6 runs in 3 innings for a 15 game winning pitcher. These experiences are educational. These experiences usually challenge the young person. “Don’t like it here? Then do something about it.”

To shelter these young people from uncomfortable experiences is to cheat them from seeing the not so fun side of life. A coach who only schedules easy opponents is going to wind up with “big headed, unmotivated athletes” who are a big fish in a small pond. Life usually takes most of us out into the big pond where there are talented, hard working people trying to be excellent, trying to get that better job or scholarship. Too much sheltering protects them for today but diminishes their vision for the future.

Young people need to stumble to learn. Young people need to get in “over their heads” at times. Young people need to evaluate themselves and say “I am fine here, or I want more.” It is not our goal to have 100% happy children all of the time. True education can come from uncomfortable situations. To shelter these young people from potentially uncomfortable situations is not good parenting, good coaching or good teaching.

Get excited when the young people challenge themselves and find themselves “uncomfortable.” Go into your teaching mode. Watch them fight their way to a better place. There will soon be times when they are on their own and they are faced with a choice: be complacent or work to improve and move forward. What do you want for your child, athlete or student? Take the umbrella, the roof and the security blanket away and see if they decide to come in out of the rain.
Share with your friends/students/athletes/parents. Tom Burgdorf and Gymnet Sports on Facebook

A child who works to feel “proud?” A child/athlete/student who is taught about the concept of “pride” in effort, accomplishment and improvement? A lesson worth teaching.

It is hard to learn about pride when you are given a lot. It is hard to learn about pride when no matter what your effort or performance, you are told “that is all right.” Or “it is okay.” Sure there are situations where we want to reassure a child but it should not be the norm of regardless of effort, performance, accomplishment or improvement, the child should feel “okay.”

Don’t be afraid of frustrating situations for your children. There is a huge gap between you need to feel happy about yourself 100% of the time and “jump off a cliff” or be scarred for life. A disappointing test shouldn’t mean a trip to therapy for a child. A coach being a little stern with an athlete doesn’t mean the coach has “lost it, doesn’t care about the athlete or has done something totally regrettable.” When teachers, parents or coaches correct a child that doesn’t mean the child is completely flawed.

Pride comes from challenging yourself and being challenged by others. Can you really take pride in something if it is easy? Are we teaching pride if we do too much for the child, or don’t offer them decent challenges? Great teachers, parents and coaches look at every child, determine what they can actually achieve if they are motivated a little, and then offer the challenge.

But to make things too easy? To shield them from accomplishable tasks? Challenges that they are fully capable of doing in the eyes of the adults in their lives but challenges the young child may not be sure of. We can “program” their success. We can open the door slightly, step back and watch them “pridefully” bust through it. We knew they were capable, they didn’t and then they found that they could.

But if we had opened the door 80% for them because we didn’t want them discouraged, then let them push 10% and then we finished the last 10% for them because we didn’t want them to be frustrated when the going got a little tough, we CHEATED THEM.

Learning pride takes strength, sweat, time, patience and accomplishable challenges. And space to “do it by themselves.” Teach pride in effort. Teach pride in improvement. Teach pride in accomplishment. Every child can do that. And no one said anything about winning. Share with your friends. I love when people comment about these articles. Tom Burgdorf and Gymnet Sports on Facebook.

A crime. A disservice. Just not acceptable.

Every child is capable of journeying 50 miles, 100 miles or 500 miles. To raise, guide, and motivate a child to only part of their potential is just not right. A 50 mile child who is only encouraged to go 20 miles is losing all of the benefits of the “tougher” 30 miles. No comparisons of children here, every child is capable of their own distance and we have a duty as the adults in their lives to motivate, not push, them to “reach.”

Not pressure, motivation. Not unrealistic goals for this journey. We, as the adults in their life, evaluate their potential and then help them map it out. Go slow? Avoid the hills? Always take the easy route? Stop when the going gets a little tough? No.

Not many of us will make the entire journey to our full potential, probably no one, but to raise a child with low expectations? So that they can feel accomplished with addition when they are fully capable of learning Calculus? Even if Calculus is a little more challenging?

No, no, no to low expectations. No, no, no to unfair pressure either. But there is so much room in between. A lot of human beings hesitate when things get tough. It is just a hesitation, not a stoppage or necessarily a giving up. It is a hesitation to evaluate and motivate ourselves. If given a little room and a little time, many of these young people will make their own decision to push through the hesitation. Don’t cheat the kids of this moment.

Accepting “low” from your child, student or athlete is not doing what is best for them. If you know they are capable of more, we guide them farther down the road. Not drive them down the road, guide and encourage. Having expectations of 45 miles for a 50 mile child/athlete is reasonable. Having low expectations for a 100 mile athlete/child may only get them to 55 miles. not acceptable.

The case for adults with low expectations for a child? How can there be one? What are the benefits of having low expectations for a child who clearly can do more? Now, if we overestimate the distance a child can go, then there may be a problem. But……. I have confidence in the teachers, coaches and adults to be able to properly identify the potential of a child/athlete at the different stages of their life.

Low expectations get us where? No, no, no to undo, unwarranted and incorrect pressure. Yes, yes, yes to positive motivation and guidance to a point on the map that each individual child/athlete is capable of reaching “for them.” Share and comment on if you believe in the message. Tom Burgdorf and Gymnet Sports on Facebook.

There is a breaking point. There is a point when teachers and coaches can feel “why bother.” We want so much to do all of the right things for ALL of our students and athletes. That is impossible, we know, but we try. We all start out with so much energy, ambition and desire to change the lives of our students and athletes. Show them the world. Show them their potential. Give them the tools to succeed. Enjoy their ups and help them through their downs. All of the time educating, caring and building. But then we realize that the microscopes come out. The “we are going to watch your every move and listen for your every word.” “We are going to analyze every practice. We are going to demand explanations for every poor performance.” Honestly, we can’t exist under the microscope of some sports/academic parents. It is exhausting. Do we want a blank check to do whatever we want with these kids without being accountable? Of course not. But we do need the trust until we do something really bad. We can’t be 99.9% sure we are always going to say the right words or use the perfect techniques for every child. But we can adjust when our best efforts may come up a little short. Because we want every child we are in charge of to succeed. We really do. But when the actions of some sports/academic parents appear to mean that they don’t trust us, that they have to be on edge, looking for any wrong move or word from us, it is exhausting. The vast, vast, vast majority of the teachers and coaches who have pursued these careers or activities really are good. Really do care. Really do love teaching and coaching these wonderful kids. No one can endure the microscope for very long. Many incredible teachers and coaches have moved on because of the unfair microscope. The scrutiny of everything they do. The questions, the finger pointing, the lack of trust. If the great teachers and coaches are run off, who is left to work with your kids? If you want me to be 100% right all of the time with my coaching, see you later. It won’t happen. If you want the very best from me, you will get that every day I am with your child. I will even give you a lot of my free time as most great teachers and coaches take their work home with them. Laying in bed, trying to sleep, but trying to come up with better ways to work with your child. Don’t drive me away from my passion. Don’t drive me away from these kids I love. I am strong and I love what I do, but I can be beaten down over time. To not be trusted is a killer to me. To not be appreciated is a killer to me. I am giving everything I have, if it isn’t enough, I am sorry. For all of the great sports/academic parents out there, keep supporting and appreciating us. For the “microscope parents” please consider the pressure you are putting on all of us. It is not helping. (Share if you think this topic is worth discussing.) Tom Burgdorf – Gymnet Sports on Facebook.

There is a place for “be happy with yourself all of the time.” There is a place for looking at your current situation and saying “I am okay.” We certainly don’t want to beat up ourselves all of the time. But is it okay to say “I am okay” when you aren’t where you want to be? If we keep accepting unhappy situations, we will be more and more unhappy. Or we can do something about it?

My heart rate jumps to 400 when an athlete looks at me and says “I don’t like where I am right now.” Or “that wasn’t a lot of fun” after she blew a meet. I don’t want children to accept poor performances. I don’t want children to “settle” for mediocre. Do we want athletes/students to be happy after a poor performance? So, for an athlete/student to say “I am not happy right now” is exciting. Don’t you feel the same?

Do we really want to raise these kids with “be happy all of the time.” or “no matter what, everything is fine?” No it isn’t. That is fake. Working 2 months for a test or a competition and then doing less then what the child expected of herself SHOULD bring some disappointment, frustration and a desire to make changes. Maybe even temporary sadness. Maybe even a temporary loss of confidence. The key – temporary, temporary, temporary.

I get a kick out of some parents who have an athlete having a great season, then has a poor competition and suddenly the world is about to end. This happens in sports. Temporary, temporary, temporary. A time for adjustment. A time for “if you don’t like how you feel right now after falling off beam 9 times then there are some things we can do about it.” Complaining doesn’t help. Putting the blame on others doesn’t help. Get up!

Do we want children who want more? Do we want children to want to improve? Do we want children asking the adults in their life “how can I go farther, help me.” No need for a session or two on a professionals couch for this child. No need for some antidepressant drugs. Just some adults in their life to help guide them.

Unhappiness can mean “I am not satisfied.” Unhappiness can mean “I want more.” Can unhappiness be a motivator? Can unhappiness be the kick in the pants we ALL need once in a while? Don’t be alarmed when your child is temporarily unhappy with herself. Get excited. Use this to help her learn and move forward.

I wish I had an unhappy child/athlete in front of me right now. (Is there anyone out there who you know who might benefit from this message? Help me by sharing this post.)Tom Burgdorf/Gymnet Sports on Facebook

No one to rescue you. No one to make excuses to. No safety net. Maybe even no 2nd chances or “do overs.” Start this lesson in the reality of young/middle/later life situations at what age?

I guess we should start with is this a good lesson to teach our children? That at a certain stage in their life they will be accountable for their actions. That “if you do this, then that happens.” Rather than “if you do this, then that happens but Mom will rescue you before you suffer the consequences.” Is the lesson “if/then” an important lesson for becoming a mature young adult capable of taking care of themselves?

Can children be rescued too much? Can children/athletes learn a possible bad lesson that no matter what they do they will be rescued? That concept really seems dangerous to me. If children rely on being rescued all of the time, will they take the time to make wise decisions?

Do we do too much rescuing? Personally I think so. Maybe I am a little biased because I love seeing children think for themselves which includes thinking about “if I do this then that will happen,” I dislike a great deal when the rules/plans are spelled out and then they are changed when a child or athlete falls short in preparation or effort or performance.

“Clean your room and you can go to the mall with me.” No clean room and Mom caves with “oh well, come with me anyway.” And the lesson the child learned was what? “Get these 4 skills and you can move to the next level.” “Oh, well, you were close so we will move you up any way.” And the lesson learned is?

Doesn’t a better prepared young adult “appear” when they don’t look over their shoulder all of the time for a rescuer? A young adult is more prepared for the challenges of life if they plan and make decisions based on the possibility that there will be no 2nd chances. To make the right choice first is better than making the right second choice. (Marriage, DUI, unprotected sex, finances, purchases, safety, on and on) We have all made some poor first choices, some we got away with and some that have affected our lives. To teach “if/then” can help us think more before we act. Is that what we want for our children?

When do we start? As soon as we believe our children understand what the lesson is. Probably different for every child. Consideration – is it more harmful to start too early or start too late?

Teachers have to have rules and regulations with “if this happens then that happens” to keep order. Coaches have to have the same. A team or classroom without “if/then” makes our job so much harder. And sometimes impossible.

Such a great topic to think about for all of us parenting/educators, teaching/educators and coaching/educators. (“If” you share this “then” more people will think about it.) Tom Burgdorf/Gymnet Sports on Facebook

One of the most difficult challenges I had as a coach was to explain to my athletes about officials being human and that not all decisions in a game or meet would be correct. It was easy to tell them that the judges would be wrong sometimes but I also felt it a duty to make sure the children still respected and believed in those officials.

I got an early dose of “sports are imperfect” when I was about 7 when I slid into 2nd base and was tagged out. I looked up and the umpire called me safe. My mind was extremely confused. I wish sports were perfect because the human side of it does spoil things a little. It is difficult for parents and coaches to want a child to succeed so much and then an incorrect score is flashed or an out sign is given. But the bigger picture is more important than an extra run or a 9.1 instead of an 8.9.

That bigger picture is about handling life. We all know life isn’t perfect. Husbands? New puppies? The imperfection of sports gives us another opportunity to talk about what will face these children later, in more serious and important areas of their life. Much sadness in life comes from complaining about and harping on other people’s imperfections. Is it worth it when we were all born imperfect?

My way of teaching my athletes about the evaluation of their performance was to say “at the end of your routine there are 2 people who matter most in the evaluation of what you just did, you and me, your coach.” Regardless of the score that was about to be flashed, my gymnasts finished their routine and then looked at me for the “approving nod” or the slightly tilted head with a raised eyebrow. Then we talked at the 1st opportunity. A partnership of 2 people who were giving it their all to improve.

The vast majority of officials are trying their best to do a great job. I feel for a judge who has sat there and judged 100 routines a day and they are under the microscope for a tenth of a point. That isn’t fair and that isn’t reasonable.

The adults involved in youth sports have an obligation to send the right messages about the bigger picture to our very impressionable children. Sports are an incredible laboratory of learning, even in their imperfection. Your thoughts? Tom Burgdorf Gymnet Sports on Facebook

Comes with the territory? We all knew we were entering an arena of scrutiny, criticism and people constantly looking over our shoulders? When did teachers and coaches get to be the bad guys and girls? When did we lose the trust? Aren’t 95+% of us doing a fantastic job?

It feels terrible to feel underappreciated. Especially when you put your heart and soul into these kids. Yes, we are passionate about what we do and we KNOW we are making a difference, but an occasional pat on the back is asking too much? People expect us to stay self motivated when we are constantly watched, evaluated and questioned? It wears on us. The kicker is that the complainer parents are more free to voice their opinion to us. The supporter parents are usually less vocal and assume that we are alright. It is human nature to desire to be appreciated. Especially in an area we care so much about, the training of our young people.

Imagine the world without us. We are training the youth of the world. We are changing attitudes. We are expanding their goals, their confidence. We are showing them the path to success. We are building prepared young adults for life beyond sports, parents and adult help. We are giving them the tools to make it out there. When they are mostly alone. When their decisions on any particular day can change their lives for good or for bad.

And we want to be a little more appreciated? We are so weak. We should do all of this hard work teaching and coaching for just personal satisfaction. Most of us certainly aren’t getting rich doing this. We are so weak. To expect a parent to occasionally say “thanks for changing my child.” “Thanks for giving her more confidence.” “Thanks for caring.” That is asking a lot.

YOU are making a difference. Without you most of these children would be weaker. Most of them would not attack life with the confidence and tools to be successful. YOU are important. YOU are needed. YOU are indispensable. I have to believe that most parents feel this way, they just don’t think we, the teachers and coaches, need a show of appreciation. They are so wrong.

It is the holiday season, probably lots of plates of cookies coming your way and maybe a few homemade ornaments. I would give all of that up for a few more honest “wow, you are having an impact on our child.” “Our family is better because you are in our lives.” Teachers and coaches – I hope to give you something in the next couple of weeks to show you how appreciated you are. Tom Burgdorf and Gymnet Sports on Facebook